Can of Worms

21 May

My locational situation?  It’s less-than-ideal.

This may be a controversial topic for some, but it’s true.   Don’t get me wrong, I love Indianapolis.  I do.  It’s lovely, my lovely job is here, my house, my extended family.   It’s a beautiful city, perfectly sized.   I’d hate to leave it. 

The one thing that Indy doesn’t have?  My family.  Sure, it has the Judge’s family, whom I love very deeply.  But they still aren’t my family.  My family, the one that raised me, spoiled me as a baby and endured me as a teenager, the one that I love and cherish, lives outside of Chicago. 

This creates conflicts.  Deep, difficult conflicts that pull me in two directions.  Conflicts in which no one ever really wins.   Even if no one actually loses. 

Today is a perfect example.  For a while, the Judge and I have had plans to go to Chicago for Memorial Day weekend.   My brother Mike is there, back from FarAway and will be leaving the next day for SouthFarAway.  He’s been gone for a long time and I can’t wait to see him.  As an extra special treat, my cousin Molly will be in town with her brand new baby.  A lovely party is planned for Sunday at one of my favorite places in the world, the GJ’s house.

BUT!  The Judge’s oldest cousin is also graduating from eighth grade and may/or may not have a party that weekend. 

Which leads to the conflict.  I know that the Judge’s family feels like they miss out.  First of all, because we won’t be there for the holiday, but also because we would miss the party.  And I don’t want us to miss out either.  I don’t want to not get to celebrate Drew’s event with him.  I don’t want to miss a chance to spend an afternoon with everyone.  Miss the chance to start some new Memorial Day traditions.  

BUT! I don’t want to miss out on those things with my family either. 

I know sometimes that the Judge’s family has a hard time understanding why we have to go to Chicago, quote “all of the time”.  And it’s hard for me to know what to tell them. 

“Because it’s my family” I want to tell them.  “Because I try just as hard to make sure I don’t miss important events here.”  “Because we don’t get to be there ‘all of the time’.” “Because if I didn’t want to be there, if I didn’t love my family so much, I wouldn’t be the same person. You wouldn’t like me as much.”  “Because you can see us whenever you want.  We can have quick dinner get-togethers.  Quickly planned dinners we can’t have with my family.” 

BUT! If the situation were reversed?  And I had to stay in Indy and not go home?  My family would be just as unhappy.  “Why should you stay there?  Come home to us.  We never get to see you.”

“Because they’re my family too” I would want to tell them. “Because they’re not as close as we are.  We need these events to stay as close as we can. ”  “Because we don’t just have dinner all of the time.” 

My wish for a secret Superhero power?  The ability to be two places at once. 

I love you all, I don’t want to miss anything.

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